I know i shouldn't dwell, and I need to move on, but when your single, don't party, and don't have much of a life you can't move on very quickly at all.
I just found my old account on Post The Love .com and I saw one of the posts i made about a small moment with my ex, and it's pulling hard on my heart strings.
I was leaving my dorm/house and found my ex doing laundry, and was struck by the sensation of "Oh My God he's so cute." I was so in love in that moment. I felt like i was in middle school, i was sooo giddy.
I want nothing more than to go back to that. I wish I could have that back. Love is fantastic.
Until tomorrow!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Black Dust
One of my favorite movies has the line "People are not their thoughts, they think they are and it brings them all kinds of sadness." I agree, your thoughts are completely reactionary, the firing of hormones and neural receptors based on the world around you. Your actions are just that. Actions. You are defined by what you do and how you do it in this world and It is time that we choose what that definition is for ourselves.
I have chosen to define myself as a writer, unfortunately that is causing some issues in my life right now. I've chosen writer but the world is harsh and demands a real career from me. Something that I'll make money on. But whose to say i wont make money on my books. Its a road however I don't have the luxury of trying without a back up plan.
SO, to deal with this My actions are coming into focus. I am a writer so i am writing, I'm writing my blog, obviously, and my novel. I am going to keep writing until i have nothing left to say. Yet, quite frankly I'm not sure that will ever happen. The thoughts I have may not be me but they do give me inspiration.
Inspiration is the best feeling in the world. Something so pure that i put a pen to paper or fingers to keys and it all flows out. I marvel sometimes at the speed in which words come to me, how a story forms with out me even really thinking long on what i want it to do. Have you ever had that?
I am completely enthrall to my own imagination and I hope that never changes.
Have a good day
Until later
I have chosen to define myself as a writer, unfortunately that is causing some issues in my life right now. I've chosen writer but the world is harsh and demands a real career from me. Something that I'll make money on. But whose to say i wont make money on my books. Its a road however I don't have the luxury of trying without a back up plan.
SO, to deal with this My actions are coming into focus. I am a writer so i am writing, I'm writing my blog, obviously, and my novel. I am going to keep writing until i have nothing left to say. Yet, quite frankly I'm not sure that will ever happen. The thoughts I have may not be me but they do give me inspiration.
Inspiration is the best feeling in the world. Something so pure that i put a pen to paper or fingers to keys and it all flows out. I marvel sometimes at the speed in which words come to me, how a story forms with out me even really thinking long on what i want it to do. Have you ever had that?
I am completely enthrall to my own imagination and I hope that never changes.
Have a good day
Until later
The Vampire Diares
Awesome show. Love it. Its truly helpful for my book. I love the connections of everyone but it gets really confusing.
I love it, can't wait for the season to pick up again
I had a spoiler bit on here but I took it off because everyone should watch the show from the beginning if you can. Its great
Been working on the romance of my novel it's great help. I love this show. Check IT OUT!
Until tomorrow!
I love it, can't wait for the season to pick up again
I had a spoiler bit on here but I took it off because everyone should watch the show from the beginning if you can. Its great
Been working on the romance of my novel it's great help. I love this show. Check IT OUT!
Until tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2012--- Ringing in the New Year, with a backward Glance
Happy New Year World. Its a fresh start.
I however have been thinking a lot today about where I was this time last year.
Warning I may rant about my ex, but there is a point to this so read it please. It may speak to your own problems.
Its been bugging me that last year this time, I was blissful. I had a new boyfriend, he was a hot guy, who actually liked me so I was beyond overjoyed. We were happy, cuddling, snuggling, dating, I even gushed about him several times on this very blog. Gushed about how much I loved him. HA...I feel really stupid looking at it now.
Now this year, I'm single. After a year of that bliss he broke it off with me. It hurts really bad to think about it but it hurts less everyday. I am home on winter break and finally getting a moment to breathe without him breathing down my neck, We have the exact same friends and I didn't want to make the choose between us so I've willingly submitted myself everyday to the torture of sitting at the same meal table with him. No one seems to understand why I do it anymore. And I quite frankly don't either anymore. Its easier without him. I don't have to see him while I'm home on break. I do still miss him everyday, he was my best friend. I wanted him in every part of my life. But when we hit our first major hiccup, and we both had to deal with some stressful things, it broke us. I don't exactly get why we couldn't work through it but I dare say I never will. How do you make sense of someone who love, breaking your heart?
This year however is a new beginning or at least I'm determined to make it one. I am not going to go to every meal with them anymore, I'll go to a few but I'm not going to torture myself. Three of us were meant to go on a trip together, me him and a friend and since things ended I didn't go though I wanted to very much, now they are on the trip with out me and it sucks, I'm not gonna sit through the gushing about their awesome time. I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of it.
I am ready to move on already, You don't fall out of love with someone until you fall in love with someone else I think.
The Good News is Ive reached the point where I'm changing things, I'm exercising more eating better, I bought new clothes, I am making myself happy instead of worrying about if others are happy or not. I'm paying attention to my wants and desires for once. I feel sexy and happy unlike I have before, yeah I have my bad days like today, where I miss the ex but I know now that my heart needed breaking. Not every frog I kiss will be a prince, and when princes to pop up it doesn't mean their mine. I just picked a dud frog this time who wore a nice costume.
I finished writing my first novel, and kind of hate it for the moment, I have someone with fresh eyes looking at it. So I because I didn't like it I stripped the idea to its barest bones, and tried to rewrite, but since my rewrite is soooo different I'm officially working on my second novel. one of these days I'll have both written, typed, edited and ready to throw at the Agent wall and hope at least one will stick. That was a convoluted spaghetti metaphor.
Books I've read recently....
Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick-----LOVE IT
Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatrick------Frustrating Love IT
Silence by Becca Fitzpatrick---------LOVE IT
Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare---------Really Good
Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare--------Excellent but not an ending I wanted
City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare-----Really GOOD, EXCELLENT
The Hunger Games by Susan Collins-----Really good, energized, exciting
Inkheart ---Kids story but actually really cool concept
Movies
*Immortals-- Henry Cavil is SO HOT! perfect movie to salivate at a hot guy, but actually pretty interesting story
*Girl With the Dragon Tattoo--Daniel Craig ---Disturbing at points but Great
*War Horse-- Good movie, nice story, you get really into it.
*Sherlock Holmes, the game of shadows-- Really Good, Really Funny
*New Years Eve-- Good, Like Valentines day
*My Week With Marylin--- Fantastic, I liked it alot
*Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows p 2--Great Action
*Breaking Dawn-- LOVED IT , the movie gets made in better quality every time.
*X-men first class-- Better than i expected
*Black Swan-- Creepy ! I literally was writhing in my seat
TV recently
Secret Circle--Awesome adaptation
Vampire Diaries-- Got back into this, It got really good
Whitney-- Hilarious I LOVE IT
Pretty Little Liars-- Good
Covert Affairs-- Good, Fun, interesting
Nikita-- Good, but lost track of the show
Supernatural--Hot Guys! Demon Hunting inspiration for my novel.
Castle-- FANTASTIC
So I hope your 2012 is great, I hope you can let go of the past like I am trying to and I hope you can find happiness like I am trying to do.
Until Tomorrow!
I however have been thinking a lot today about where I was this time last year.
Warning I may rant about my ex, but there is a point to this so read it please. It may speak to your own problems.
Its been bugging me that last year this time, I was blissful. I had a new boyfriend, he was a hot guy, who actually liked me so I was beyond overjoyed. We were happy, cuddling, snuggling, dating, I even gushed about him several times on this very blog. Gushed about how much I loved him. HA...I feel really stupid looking at it now.
Now this year, I'm single. After a year of that bliss he broke it off with me. It hurts really bad to think about it but it hurts less everyday. I am home on winter break and finally getting a moment to breathe without him breathing down my neck, We have the exact same friends and I didn't want to make the choose between us so I've willingly submitted myself everyday to the torture of sitting at the same meal table with him. No one seems to understand why I do it anymore. And I quite frankly don't either anymore. Its easier without him. I don't have to see him while I'm home on break. I do still miss him everyday, he was my best friend. I wanted him in every part of my life. But when we hit our first major hiccup, and we both had to deal with some stressful things, it broke us. I don't exactly get why we couldn't work through it but I dare say I never will. How do you make sense of someone who love, breaking your heart?
This year however is a new beginning or at least I'm determined to make it one. I am not going to go to every meal with them anymore, I'll go to a few but I'm not going to torture myself. Three of us were meant to go on a trip together, me him and a friend and since things ended I didn't go though I wanted to very much, now they are on the trip with out me and it sucks, I'm not gonna sit through the gushing about their awesome time. I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of it.
I am ready to move on already, You don't fall out of love with someone until you fall in love with someone else I think.
The Good News is Ive reached the point where I'm changing things, I'm exercising more eating better, I bought new clothes, I am making myself happy instead of worrying about if others are happy or not. I'm paying attention to my wants and desires for once. I feel sexy and happy unlike I have before, yeah I have my bad days like today, where I miss the ex but I know now that my heart needed breaking. Not every frog I kiss will be a prince, and when princes to pop up it doesn't mean their mine. I just picked a dud frog this time who wore a nice costume.
I finished writing my first novel, and kind of hate it for the moment, I have someone with fresh eyes looking at it. So I because I didn't like it I stripped the idea to its barest bones, and tried to rewrite, but since my rewrite is soooo different I'm officially working on my second novel. one of these days I'll have both written, typed, edited and ready to throw at the Agent wall and hope at least one will stick. That was a convoluted spaghetti metaphor.
Books I've read recently....
Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick-----LOVE IT
Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatrick------Frustrating Love IT
Silence by Becca Fitzpatrick---------LOVE IT
Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare---------Really Good
Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare--------Excellent but not an ending I wanted
City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare-----Really GOOD, EXCELLENT
The Hunger Games by Susan Collins-----Really good, energized, exciting
Inkheart ---Kids story but actually really cool concept
Movies
*Immortals-- Henry Cavil is SO HOT! perfect movie to salivate at a hot guy, but actually pretty interesting story
*Girl With the Dragon Tattoo--Daniel Craig ---Disturbing at points but Great
*War Horse-- Good movie, nice story, you get really into it.
*Sherlock Holmes, the game of shadows-- Really Good, Really Funny
*New Years Eve-- Good, Like Valentines day
*My Week With Marylin--- Fantastic, I liked it alot
*Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows p 2--Great Action
*Breaking Dawn-- LOVED IT , the movie gets made in better quality every time.
*X-men first class-- Better than i expected
*Black Swan-- Creepy ! I literally was writhing in my seat
TV recently
Secret Circle--Awesome adaptation
Vampire Diaries-- Got back into this, It got really good
Whitney-- Hilarious I LOVE IT
Pretty Little Liars-- Good
Covert Affairs-- Good, Fun, interesting
Nikita-- Good, but lost track of the show
Supernatural--Hot Guys! Demon Hunting inspiration for my novel.
Castle-- FANTASTIC
So I hope your 2012 is great, I hope you can let go of the past like I am trying to and I hope you can find happiness like I am trying to do.
Until Tomorrow!
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