Fixer Upper

I've been fixing alot of things in my life lately. It seems strange to think about. I noticed this at first when I went and figured out what was so wrong with my blog. Then when I had to get my computer fixed.

I also fixed my headaches. I found out what they were and they have gone away this cycle. I fixed my diet. I have eatten salads and more healty stuff. I don't drink soda any more. I feel like I alot of my life is changing.

Probably for the better. I am in such a better mood now. I have alot of insacurities still but it will work out I know it will.

Today is rainy but its a better day than I've had in a while. Even after my random anxiety attack last night when my computer got spilled on. It wouldn't work and I couldn't do Italian homework. I flipped out. I don't know what was wrong with me.

I was seriously messed up. I think I was more concered about losing my novel. Ut oh.

Well off to watch more True Blood and work on my novel's squeal I was hand writing.

My Favorite song sung by Kate Voegele

Can't shake it.

I feel like something is wrong. I don't know. I really am going crazy. My friend Green Bean is really lucky. I met her boyfriend. You can tell just looking at him that he really cares about her.

Anyways, the whole point of this blog. is to try and suss out why I am feeling this way.

I was talking last night with that guy. I think it scares me someone being really nice and the moment he stops talking for some reason I feel really insecure. I have MAJOR ISSUES. I guess that is one way to say it. Maybe I really just need to stop looking but right now at this point it's like telling me to stop breathing. I hate being this way but I don't know how to change it.

Next thing. I haven't gone to the gym in a very long time and am on my last nerve with how my half is the only half of the room that is clean.

I don't like this feeling. I try to be the funny, nice, sweet, honest , and flirty girl. But it always backfires for one reason or another. I don't know. I either come on too strong or not enough. I am sucky at this. I feel like I should crawl into a ball most days and just not move cause if i do it hurts. UGGG, why for once can't I find a realitonship and be happy again. I am happy when I am with my friends now and all but. I want to find love. I am hopeless romantic.

IS THIS GOD PUNISHING ME FOR HOW I BROKE UP WITH MY EX? IS THAT IT? was I wrong for breaking up with the guy who treated me like a child most days and ignored me for his music others? Why am I not allowed to want to be the thing a guy can't stop looking at(in a good way)? Why can't I be the one he calls to say goodnight to? Why can't I be the one who he drives in the dead of night to see?

I don't know. I think I am going to go lay down and crawl into that ball now. I feel another Introverted time coming on.

Bye for now.

Running out of things to say

Friend's boyfriend is coming to school to see her. She is excited he's coming. I am glad he makes her happy. I'll see him very soon I guess.

Had a intresting night talking to someone. He is nice. He told me about a lot of great music. which is cool. It is
"With a Heavy Heart" By Does it Disturb you, Yeah?

Its a really fun song to dance around to. Well Just a small blog for now I have to take a nap I'm exhausted maybe I'll get the text he's alive if I stop waiting for it. Well off for my nap. Hope you all are keeping it real. Im tired and again....

DO Not believe what you see on Jersey Shore...the girls in Jersey are not all like that thank you very much.

K nap time.

Jersey Shore

OH MY GOD its ridiculous. This show is so freakin stereotypical. I am from near-ish there and wow. It's not like that. Some girls are like that yeah but not all. I'm not like that at all. They are ridiculous. I hate this show but I love it at the same time I started watching it like an hour ago and wow.

Still not all girls from Jersey are like that.

Just had to share.

Sky outside my window

SO procrastination on my homework due by 1:30 and totally tired. I should have taken a nap earlier. Now I am vegetating on here, postthelove.com, and facebook. All with beautiful Pandora giving me a soundtrack.

So much fun. Journey just popped up on my Rent station. Interesting.

Is there such thing as sleeping wide awake? lol I am really out of my mind tired right now. but gotta read my home work. Just wanted to share the epicness of my bordem with someone thank you.

Movie quotes

"Little Boys who play with Fire get their fingers burned."--Mama Mia

"Haven't lied to you this far and I'm not going to start now."--Keith

"From this moment on every voice that told you 'you can't ' is silenced"--Freedom Writers

"If you're going to limit yourself fine. Just don't let other people do it for you."--Gracie

"Does Making a man a Knight make him a better fighter..."--Kingdom Of heaven
"Yes."

"What is a man that does not make the world better."--Kingdom of heaven

"What's the rush? We are here in a Yellow Truck a road in front of us and nothing but opportunities.

People Can Surprise You

I have spent most of my life worrying about what I look like (I was never good and keeping thin). As a result of this I haven't believed that someone actually would talk to me if they knew I liked them and if they knew what I looked like. Still Some one surprised me. He knows all of that and still we spoke on Facebook for a few hours. It was refreshing.

I hope each person who reads this finds someone who can surprise you too.

Its a great feeling when you find out that life isn't as black and white as you thought. Life is looking up. Hope you all have another adventurous day.

Oh Had another awesome dream last night. It was so simple but it was fantastic.

I was sitting in my favorite big leather chair but in a different house. I was reading and looked up to see the guy I like watching me. He smiled at the same time I did. Then he got up from the sofa and gave me a peck on the lips. The rest of the dream was different things mushed together that haven't happened my not. It was such a peaceful and relaxing dream that ended with us sleeping. Being in someone's arms is a great gift I think.

If you read this and remember any dreams you've had let me know. I'm a curious curious person.

Dress In Drag

Thank You College Guys. My school Just featured 10 masculine guys in a Backward Beauty Pageant Drag Show.

I respect them a whole lot more now that I saw at least 6 of them walk in heals with out falling or grimacing.

My friend was amazing. They of course made themselves out to be stereotypical drag queens just wish they all did voices and had wigs. IT was great. Just wanted to share that experience with you

I hope they gained some respect for the trouble we go through each time we dress up for them.

You really can't measure a DREAM

I never explained the title of my blog."You can't measure a Dream." was a quote from One Tree Hill. I absolutely love that show.When I heard it though is important.
I was really struggling with finding what I wanted to do with my life. I am terrified that once I publish my Novel It won't be Loved. I want to see my name on a Barnes and Noble bookshelf one day. I love to write and I really don't wanna do anything else. Unless I can be like a reader at a publishing company because Reading is my second love.Anyway. Those words are so true. You have to do what excites you. You have to dare to dream big because when You shoot for the moon you can at least land in the stars. Life for me is about chasing what excites and always knowing that the past is the adventures little and big that you can always look back too for inspiration.

Hope you all get a chance at some adventures soon
and can take the tittle of my blog to heart now MUCH LOVE :-)

Wonderland

You ever thought of how Wonderland would look if you were Alice?

I feel like this world is my wonderland as it is but if it was another land...I'd have to say I'd love to have animals talk. I'd love to know the Mad Hatter. (Especially if he is secretly Johnny Depp) .

My wonder land would would be so colorful. Things wouldn't have to make sense but I'd still understand. I'd always have smiles around me.

The Red queen would be defeated by myself over and over again.

I would be the warrior rising up to fight for the White Queen.

How would you want your wonderland to be?

Music is my life

Here is a fun song to spice up your day.

Starving Your Self for School

My friend gave me the idea for this blog because she told me she hadn't eaten since lunch time yesterday and she wasn't going to go to lunch today.

Like any concerned friend I freaked on her. I told her she shouldn't do that of course. She has already done that once and almost passed out in the stairwell of our dorm.

I ask her why and she said "somethings like schoolwork are more important than food." I almost had my head explode right then.

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN KEEPING YOUR SELF HEALTHY.

I told her that and she thinks I am going crazy. I understand that school is tough and takes allot of time but you have to eat. Hello If you die or get sick from starving yourself your going to not be able to the work. School is not more important than taking care of yourself. You should always put yourself first before school Like that.

I usually put my friends first but if it get's in the way of my wellbeing like NOT EATING. I wont do it. Don't get me wrong I'd do anything for my friends I love them with all my heart. They are my extended family.

I hope anyone who reads this understands that you need to schedual your work around your meals. You have to eat. Starving yourself to get something is not the answer.

Hope you all take care of yourselves.

Great Music

Great song...Love the song and the movie. Put me right into a better mood after seeing the images from my last post.

Lowering Standards of Women.

Ok, SO I was just looking around on Facebook at pictures from girls I know who are still in high school. They are ridiculous.

Sookie from Jersey Shore is freaky looking. I don't see how or why girls want to look like her.

Also what is this obsession with looking like Baby Prostitutes.
No wonder girls end up with such crappy guys they lower their standers so far
and become girls again and aren't women at all.

They are so fake it's ridiculous. With white lipstick and the gigantic Poof. Yeah that show may be funny but still. Women shouldn't degrade themselves to look like some cheap whore like that. Sorry but that is what I feel.

Women in some places long ago were fighters. What ever happened to the honnor of that? What happened to the women standing tall and making the men come to them. Why have we relinquished control we have over our own image? We give into these ideals because we think the drinking and the sex and the make-up will get us that guy. But seriously do you really want him IF that is what he wants.

I don't understand it SOME ONE EXPLAIN IT TOO ME.

I want a guy who wants me for me.
Not a guy who wants a boob job, nose job, make-up caked on face, or a easy ticket to the sack.

I am none of those things. Slap me if I ever become one please.

Perfect Moments..make the world go around.

Have you ever watched the sky turn from blue to black?

It's something I love to do but the moment I love most is when the sky in between those two. I love sitting outside on the campus in a wooden chair watching the sky become a blaze of orange and reds with hints of purple. The spring air is becoming beautiful. I'm not looking forward to more snow this Friday.

I am feeling really good right now. I didn't like looking into my old Journal not long ago and finding a lot of sadness.
Still it's great to realize I've come a long way. I am not a sad as I was. Yeah something get me down like any other person but I'm so happy I've gotten past all the old nonsense. I am a happier person these days. I don't know if it's because I am beginning to really see who I am on my own or what but I am Loving it. I feel like everything that once was important to me has evolved. I love my family but I know why now. I really understand that they are a large part of me. I know now that my reading, writing, movies, and music love all make me who I am. I am not as boring As I once thought. How many people can say they helped blow up a hot air balloon once. Or who can say that they Got photographed twice for a newspaper and Interviewed for one. Who can say they saved their friend from a bee stuck in their shirt. Who can say they discovered what it means to laugh yourself to tears driving home from school one day. Who can say that they have believed in more religions than they can count on one hand in their life time? How many can say that they have been ready to lay down their lives for people before? I am more interesting than I thought I don't know about how you all see me but I see myself better now than I did before. Hope I can show you that.

Post The Love

Posting allot today But hey I was looking a blog... and saw this video about about Post the love .com

Channing Tatum started the sight and from what I've read so far its great. and He is right

We don't tell the people we love them enough. We don't show the love we have enough. And Love is something that inspires my creativity and I wound not doubt it inspires yours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsM9BWlBmLI

This world has allot of love to give and that love matters weather it be
For a person,
an animal, a song,
a saying, a time of day,
any moment in time that matters to you,
Look someone gives you,
The feeling you get when you hear a certain voice....We need to show this love... Because the World Is forgetting how much we do love.

Who is Better or Worse....Neither is

Did you ever notice our world has the defined ideals about which culture is better or worse than the other. So many believe that They are better than someone else. That maybe they think they are superior for whatever reason....

Well News Flash there is no better or worse...no superior or inferior...

Different is the word to use instead.
You can't judge a culture based on your own. You can't say a tribe in the African Safari is inferior to you just because they don't do what you do...or what the majority does.

We have no right to do this because we don't know the motives and the fuel behind thier actions. We don't know the methods they chose to believe in...

We haven't lived in their shoes long enough to judge them one bit. How is that fair?

What we can do is say they are different...I don't want to be that way but they can. They will progress on their own scale...We can offer things that we think help but give them the choice. Don't say your better. Don't say your superior. Be helpful when the people want it.
What ever that culture decides to do is their choice. They chose to live that way. So I can't stop or hinder that.

I told this argument to one of my classes and another classmate asked me if a friend of my chose to commit suicide and I knew would I stop them?

I said of course I would. She then Pointed out the fact I just went against my own rule but in truth I didn't I said I would try to stop them but each person makes the choice to listen to another. I could talk to that person Till I'm blue in the face and It may not change their choice.

It's horrible to think of someone I know going there and I hope all my friends know they can talk to me if they get to that point. I don't want to think of not being able to help some one but some people won't listen. Some people can't see that path your trying to help them on. Either way I'll offer my hand to help someone else always.

From Peaceful Warrior movie

"You can Chose to be a victim or anything else you'd like to be."
"There is no starting or stopping only DOING."

Quick Thought

Wanted to share the songs I'm listening too allot lately ...

Gravity by Sara Bareilles ---its good or so I think

Time of Dying---Dashboard Confessional

Alice---Avril Lavigne or however you spell her last name...

When I look at you---Miley Cyrus yes I like her music...admit it you do too

Note to readers: I Cant spell and I know this....

First BLOG ever

Hi, I guess as you can tell this is my first blog. I am a newbie.
The point of this blog is mainly for me to come closer to who I am. I'll post poetry, quotes I love from all different things. I'll just babble like today. I'll write just about anything. You decide If you like it.

I've been searching for things that define me all my life. I wanna know everything about myself. I've yet to test my own limits. I wish I knew how strong I could be.
I am always questioning things.

I should let you all who read this know I don't lie if I can help it. If its something that will hurt no one than i don't see the point in lying. Who has time to be embarrassed right.

So I read non-stop, I write a bunch too, I am working on my own novel. I love movies. I hate horror films though. I have no idea what I am wanna do with my life besides be a writer but don't know how well that will work. I know I'd be happy with simple life.

Ok, for something interesting. I had a strange dream last night. I was in a school I knew that much. I was talking to a friend who I call Green Bean. I don't remember what was said. It was then out of nowhere that someone (I'd met face to face once and developed a crush on) came up and hugged me. Then pulling back he kissed me. It was a very good kiss to say the least. Then out of nowhere I was walking to a non-descriptive car in my old high school's parking lot and he appeared again I vaguely remember him saying something. He pulled me too him again and kissed me allot more. When I woke up I could still feel that kiss on my lips. It was really strange. I'd never had such a vivid dream before. Now I can't get that image out of my head. I can't forget that feeling. Strangely I don't want to though. Can you blame me?

Well so I'll jot down some poetic verse I'd randomly thought of trying to help a friend yesterday.

The military drumming
matches my seismic
heart a thrumming.
the sight of the untainted
battlefield is waiting so stunning.

The first blood
will taint our angel faces.
We are blessed
by God's Love
The winner of this battle
is chosen only by him in heaven
above.

Suggestions for more are welcome...

Don't know when I'll post next but hope if I email you this Your read it when I do.
Cause maybe some light I shed on My life sheds light on yours too.